Missing My Angels Today

I am feeling very down lately. The combination of the holidays and the fact that my first month of trying to get pregnant after the miscarriage was unsuccessful have really taken a toll on my emotions. I am trying to stay positive. I am trying to stay in the Christmas spirit, for my kids if for nothing else. It is enormously stressful to try to stay so upbeat when I feel so crappy. I had a terrible nightmare last night. One that I can't even describe because it was so horrific. I still find myself asking why I deserved this. I am expected to have moved on by now. I haven't.